I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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