He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had to cum in my sink.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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