Your face is a jimmy john
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
