My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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