did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
