I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
