So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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