I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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