You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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