dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Boobs are out for the taking
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
