I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
