walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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