You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
grandma shit on top of the toilet
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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