My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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