ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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