Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize