forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
