I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
