ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
