Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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