i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
