The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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