Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize