Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
