do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
