for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
