Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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