im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
