i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
