there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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