I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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