I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish I only lived at night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
