in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
