Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
