There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
