I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Randomize
