i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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