We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
