Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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