The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
