then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
