i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
