Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
