fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
