ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize