I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
