Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
