So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
