I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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