Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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