if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
