i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
