shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
