I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
