im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
