evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
