She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
