My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
