You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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