Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
