Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
