No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
