there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
