Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
