Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My bed smells like the plague
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
