At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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