There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
