Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
