I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
