If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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