When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
