hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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