Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
