I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
