Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
