dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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