I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
