Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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