Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
