I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
