wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
