Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
