I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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