I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're like the curious george of whores
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize